Can we have a quick chat?
I've got some feedback for you.
Now that I’ve got your attention with the most dreaded phrase in the professional sphere (and raised your heart rate by a cup’la BPMs), let’s talk feedback.
We all agree it’s important. We all say we want more of it. And yet, so many companies and teams either avoid it, botch it, or overcomplicate it.
So, in the words of the icon, mogul, manager, Charity Shop Sue - “Errr, excuse me laydeh, what the flippin’ HELL is going on ‘ere then?”
Well, the problem is that feedback isn’t a formula, it’s a behaviour. And great behaviours rely on trust, timing, and intent, not checklists.
So, if you’re looking for a one-size-fits-all guide to feedback… you won’t find it here, and nor should you be expecting to What you will find is a breakdown of what actually makes feedback work, and how you can start building a culture where it’s as normal as (come on brain, think of something normal… think damn it… COME ON…) bread? Eurgh, let’s move on shall we?
It’s a lifestyle, sweetie
One of the biggest mistakes companies make is treating feedback like some sort of event.
Quarterly performance reviews
Annual 360 evaluations
Those awkward check-ins where your manager suddenly remembers to give you “constructive criticism.”
This approach is too little, too late. And neither of you will get value out of them if you save it all up for these moments; between recency bias and subject relevancy, the chances are your message won’t land.
Feedback isn’t a thing you schedule, it’s a habit you build. The most effective teams normalise feedback in their daily interactions.
Frameworks help, but they’re not the cure
You’ve probably heard of Radical Candour, the SBI Model (Situation-Behavior-Impact), Start Stop Continue, and a dozen others. They all have their merits (I particularly like Radical Candour), but they still don’t guarantee you’re going to win at comms. Why? Because feedback isn’t just about what you say, it’s about:
Who you’re saying it to (Do they trust you? Have you built a psychologically safe relationship with them?)
When and how you’re saying it (Is this the right moment? The right setting?)
What happens next (Is there a follow up? Do you both know what needs to happen now?)
Human dynamics matter more and carry more weight than following a ready-made formula.
Here’s my secret sauce
If you want to create a feedback culture that actually works, here are four principles to adopt in your business:
1. If It Needs Saying, Say It (But Say It Well)
Have you ever had that feeling when you enter a room and immediately know something’s wrong - or worse, you sense that all the cool girls have been bitching about you? And then instead of having your suspicions confirmed, everyone just carries on as normal and all the girls tell you how COOL your bright green puffa jacket is?
That’s not very nice is it, REBECCA EAMES!!!
God, sorry let me just get back to the point… ah yes, people aren’t mind readers, but they do tend to have a sixth sense. Silence and insincere niceties don’t protect them, they just create assumptions, misunderstandings, and resentment. (And an emergency trip to Tammy Girl for a new coat).
If something’s going well? Acknowledge it. If something’s off? Address it. It doesn’t have to be a big, dramatic moment. Sometimes, a timely comment is enough:
💬 “The way you structured that meeting? So useful. Really helped us keep focus.”
💬 “I noticed you’ve been missing deadlines recently. Can we find a time to talk and figure it out together?”
The rule is simple: If they don’t know about it, they can’t fix it or do more of it.
Avoid vague feedback. “I need you to step up” doesn’t tell anyone how to improve.
Don’t sugarcoat to the point of confusion. If it’s a problem, say so, just with empathy.
Feedback, come rain or shine. If your team only hears feedback when something is wrong, you’re doing it wrong. Regular, well-balanced feedback (good and challenging) keeps people from feeling blindsided, and helps build trust.
2. Don’t dish it out if you can’t take it
Some people love to give feedback but go full defence mode when it’s their turn to listen. But here’s the thing, if you want a culture of feedback, you have to model it yourself.
If people see that you can take feedback without getting defensive, they’ll feel safer delivering it (and receiving it) themselves. What’s even better is if you can proactively ask for it.
Leading by example by requesting feedback often and from different people is crucial if you want to build a great feedback culture. Others will follow, will see the impact, and after all - there's no better way to improve at something than seeing it in action!
Ideas for requesting feedback:
“What’s one thing I could do better in our meetings?”
“Is there anything I do that makes it harder for you to be effective?”
“I want to make sure I’m giving you useful feedback, what works best for you?”
This is a biggen… “I can see that I didn’t deliver that feedback well. How could I have done it better?”
If no one ever gives you feedback, it’s not because you’re perfect. It’s because they don’t feel safe enough to be honest with you.
3. Timing & Delivery Matter (A Lot)
Just like the aforementioned delicious bread, feedback is best served fresh - not so hot out the oven that it burns your tongue (emotionally charged), and not so old that it’s stale and hard to chew (weeks too late).
Before giving feedback, ask yourself:
Is this the right time? (If someone’s stressed, upset or distracted, it might not land well)
Is this the right setting? (Public praise = great. Public criticism = mortifying)
Am I in the right headspace? (If you’re fuming, maybe let that livid loaf cool off first)
But also, don’t just think about when you give feedback - think about how the other person best receives it. Some people like direct, in-the-moment feedback. Others need a bit of framing. If you don’t know? Ask. You could even come up with a team language for different. feedback preferences - my partner uses curry as a reference (korma to vindaloo style). Alternatively, you might want to screen something with a trusted (and appropriate) teammate first.
Me? I like direct feedback but I MUST know that you still like me afterwards, otherwise I’ll spiral.
4. The spirit of improvement
Before you open your gob, be sure to do a quick vibe check:
Is this feedback actually helpful?
Will it help the person improve?
What’s the ideal outcome?
Feedback is a collaborative, delicate, and skilled behaviour. It should never be about:
🚫 Punishing someone
🚫 Venting frustration
🚫 Micromanaging
The best feedback is always in service of making something better. If someone walks away from your feedback unsure of what to do next, then it wasn’t clear enough.
Feedback culture
Having a feedback culture can be the difference between ok teams and great teams:
Ok teams tolerate feedback. It happens, but it’s awkward, inconsistent, and sometimes feels like an ambush or an awkward moment.
Great teams embrace feedback. It’s natural, welcomed, and seen as a tool for growth, not an attack. Everyone feels able to share feedback, regardless of their role.
When you get that balance right, feedback stops being something people fear and starts becoming something that makes everyone better. I wish it were easy, but it’s not! Even the most seasoned ‘people people’ have to practice and hone their feedback skills continuously - and I don’t trust anyone who says they don’t have to.
If you want to start practising, try to:
Normalise feedback - Even if it’s snippets at first, make it a regular, everyday thing.
Ask for feedback yourself - The best place to start is with numero uno… practice asking for feedback, and be specific when asking too (just saying “do you have feedback for me?” won’t get you a good result sadly).
Test it - You could do an experiment with a small group of people first, who can all commit to proactively practising feedback. Then you can share your findings and learnings with the wider team.
If you want some help creating a feedback culture in your business, give me a shout! The Pod can help with coaching, leadership guidance, and we also run workshops on feedback if you'd like a kick-starter for your team.
